A Farewell to Arms, Take 2

What is EVE Online?

Where to really begin? It is a game, although it is hard to remember that at times. It is the best game I ever played, and it is the worst game I ever played. It is a second life, from every conceivable point of view. It is big, complex, complicated, unforgiving, bleak, dark, exhilarating, exasperating, and yet, it is immensely fun. It is not a journey to step into lightly as it requires time, it requires dedication, it requires effort, it demands attention and learning and it accepts little in the way of mistakes. It is a universe that does not hold your hand, and does not pretend to, a world filled with warnings of the "abandon all hope" kind and people, actual people, who would wish you harm for the sole reason of being in their vicinity.

I'll start with this: If you play EVE without interacting with people, you are doing it wrong, and you will not last (although not lasting might be a blessing-in-disguise, since if you really get into it, the game will haunt the back of your mind).

EVE has some of the worst single-player content ever devised. Its PvE is a grind, of a very, very, repetitive kind. The missions are all the same, and after a few days of gaming time, you will grow to learn most of them by heart. Do not play EVE for the PvE content. You will quit. Exploration and incursions are not truly better: Yes, they are more interesting than grinding missions, but they get repetitive all the same. I really do not know why CCP has not attempted to create dynamic mission content, as it would make PvE far, far more interesting, and inherently a surprise. The static content gets old, the fact that all the information in on Google is not helping, either. Do not play EVE for the PvE. You will quit.

The EVE economy is amazing. It is entirely player driven (and this will also drive you nuts). Yes, a player-driven economy is incredible. It sounds amazing, it functions amazing and it allows for the kind of manipulation that turns wealthy people into the economic elite overnight (yes, you need money to make money, so you need some starting capital). But not all is rosy: It can take a very long time to buy specific modules for a ship you need (unless it is generic as heck). Doubly so if you operate away from the economic centers of the game universe. Trust me, as someone who plied the less-than-central interstellar highways, taking an hour to put a specific ship together is just not fun. If you do enjoy creating, however, EVE offers quite a bit of industrial content. From mining of asteroids for resources (and, you might be surprised, but I enjoyed mining with friends, and did it for several months - It is by far, far, far more interesting than running missions, which shows you just how bad they are), through manufacture, planetary resource extraction and the market interaction needed to turn your effort into money (and the latter will take time and effort and piss you off again and again), playing EVE for the industrial aspect is viable (I have two friends who do just that).

So if the PvE is so horrid and the economy can, at times, make you want to shoot yourself, why play EVE? Because it offers a PvP experience unlike any I have seen before or since. The fact that PvE is a grind, the fact that ships require time to put together, and the fact that EVE has a permanent loss model (your ship got blown up? No, it will not wait in space for you to come and pick the pieces up again - Forget it, this is not WoW) means that combat is a rush. I can all but guarantee that the first time you engage a human foe in EVE, you will get the shakes. If not the first time, then the first time you face truly adverse odds. If not then, then when you beat them. EVE PvP, at least if you fly solo of with a very small force of friends, is an incredible rush. I truly believe it has no equal in the realm of gaming. The first time I fought outnumbered, engaging two enemy frigates in my Caldari Navy Hookbill and defeating both, I shook like a leaf. It took me half an hour to calm down enough to analyze the engagement and see what the heck even happened. The feeling was amazing. I did not defeat some game AI. I took on two actual players, put my ship (and pride, and effort) on the line, and came out victorious. Nearly two years into the game, I fought my first 1v7 fight. I barely made it out alive, and scored not a single kill, but I barely could sleep when I powered down my computer afterwards. Here were seven other pilots who wanted to kill me. I was outnumbered, outgunned and a little bored (which is why I got into that engagement in the first place). I almost killed one of them before my efforts to keep them separated finally failed and I had to bail out as fast as I could. As my ship warped away from the engagement, I truly felt alive. Mind you, I am not an amazing good pilot. I am definitely not the worst EVE has to offer, but I am merely adequate. This engagement made me feel like the PvP gods whose videos get uploaded on YouTube and it was incredible.

This is why you should play EVE. It is also why you should not.

As a pirate (and it took me about six months to end up as pirate in lawless space), I found the dark recesses of my psyche. I enjoyed the hunt more than the kills. I enjoyed stalking a target across star systems, biding my time. When in my hunter mode, I would engage on my terms, and on my terms alone. Often, the battle was decided by the single mistake my mark made that enabled me to snare him. The battle was over before it was begun: The discharge of weapons was solely a formality. It was great fun, but I soon found myself enjoying the violence. I am certain not everyone has this malevolent streak in their personality, but if you do, EVE will bring it to the fore. I enjoyed robbing people of their hard earned in-game efforts, even when I made no profit, just to spite them and collect their "tearz" - Invariably in form of curses, hate mail and an increasing bounty placed on my head (infrequently reduced by my losses of space ships and people claiming bits and pieces of it). I would kill every ship I could kill out of principle, and I was reasonably good at this particular hunt. It was thus that I got called a great many things in-game: People whom you blow up are not very often courteous to their killer, yet I enjoyed them all. 

If this thought scares you, do not start the client. Ever.

The other reason why not to play EVE is this: It is addictive. It is not addictive because you like EVE itself. In fact, you are likely to dislike so many things about the game you won't know where to start to tell them. It is addictive because it offers an escape from the real world into a universe where death cannot bind you, where risking your life is at most risking your pride and some imaginary money, and where you can be pretty much whatever you like. It is also addictive because it lets you do things that would end with you being removed from society altogether, and it lets you relish them and savor them. Finally, it is addictive because of the rush of combat I mentioned: Other games will seem dull. Other gaming risks will seem trivial. Other games will on longer be fun. EVE is entirely capable of utterly destroying your enjoyment of other games. Finally, EVE forces you to grind to afford your play style. You will need to put effort to make money. While this is not different from other MMOs, at some point you will feel like a junky trying to fund their next fix and that is not a fun feeling to have in a game.

So, how do I sum up two years of life in an alternate universe? It is with regret that I say that I will retire. For how long, I cannot say. I tried to retire once before, and that lasted for two weeks. For the sake of my sanity, I hope I can step away for good, but I am not entirely sure that I can. The thrill of combat no longer comes as easily as before, and the pleasure of simple kills is not as clear as before, but the depths of space still call to me if I stay ground-bound for long. To emphasize: I have a great life, an amazing girlfriend, a well-paying job I enjoy and co-workers who are smart, funny, and witty and most of them are good friends. I am truly lucky to be where I am now. Yet, my alternate ego is in the back of my mind, beckoning me to undock a space ship and look for trouble.

In a way, after two years of EVE, I am Angelus Ryan as much as I am the real me, here on 21st century Earth. Just as I cannot stop being me, I cannot stop being Angelus Ryan. All I can say is that Angelus Ryan is retiring (again!) and taking up residence on a planet somewhere, and trying hard not to look up the skies, or reminisce on his captain's career.

But it is not easy, for the void is calling for me to dive into its depths once more, whispering from the shadows and telling me that my journey is not yet done.

So why play EVE? 

Because for all its flaws (and there are more than you can count), EVE is the greatest game ever made.

Fly well!

o7

-Angelus Ryan, signing out for (hopefully) the final time.

P.S.
No, you cannot have my stuff!